A self-diagnosis, reflection and dealing with anxiety.
Who says first blog posts have to be technical? 🤷🏽♂️
Hmmm.
I can't believe I just setup Ubuntu OS on a virtual machine and created a burner Outlook, Twitter, Grammarly and VPN accounts because I am scared of documenting or talking about my wins and losses on my current social media accounts.
I am afraid of being judged and labelled an imposter. Having done this, I know my self-loathing is taking a negative toll on me and if I don't address the elephant in the room it's not going to end well. So, here is to me snapping out.
I have lived on false positives about what success should be, tearing down my achievements and wins like it's nothing. I am aware that there is a lot I don't know and maybe will never need to know. So, I should take pride in my technical and non-technical abilities, trust myself to be better, enjoy the process and stop judging myself based on "person X" victories and presumed definition of success.
Having been somewhat a hybrid person with a combined experience of over eight years in the products and services, telecommunications, hospitality, entertainment and the tech industry, I expected to have grown a lot and be in a better position. The only thing I failed to consider is the yardstick I used in measuring.
Is it the perceived standards of "person X"?, or The expectations of "person A"? These questions are not rhetorical. I already know the answers. I have no intentions of shying away from my failures, I take full responsibility for it, and I am using the lessons learnt to forge ahead.
So, WHAT NEXT? Set more goals? Nah. I didn't even set goals or resolutions for this year.
In the words of James Clare:
Problem #3: Goals restrict your happiness. The implicit assumption behind any goal is this: “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy.” The problem with a goals-first mentality is that you’re continually putting happiness off until the next milestone. I’ve slipped into this trap so many times I’ve lost count. For years, happiness was always something for my future self to enjoy. I promised myself that once I gained twenty pounds of muscle or after my business was featured in the New York Times, then I could finally relax.
Furthermore, goals create an “either-or” conflict: either you achieve your goal and are successful or you fail and you are a disappointment. You mentally box yourself into a narrow version of happiness. This is misguided. It is unlikely that your actual path through life will match the exact journey you had in mind when you set out. It makes no sense to restrict your satisfaction to one scenario when there are many paths to success.
A systems-first mentality provides the antidote. When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. And a system can be successful in many different forms, not just the one you first envision.
Extracted from James Clear's blog post on goal systems
There is no better way to explain what is going on in my head than using the above quote.
Now let's take the question "WHAT NEXT" again. I will build effective habits, enjoy every bit of it, be genuinely happy and curious to know and analyse when failures occur.
With that being said, Let's get to know each other.
Hi, I know we haven't met. My name is Oluwaseun "Motdde" Oyebade, I work as a Technical Consultant at [Redacted], freelance Software Developer and anything I find interesting (it's safe to call me "Dora the Explorer" 🧗🏾♂️). Why am I telling you this? You may ask, well, it's to feel validated and show that I have food on my table though not enough(Oliver twist). I am grateful for these and more. Lol.
I have worn so many hats 😭 and that's why I have decided to settle down with the love of my youth; Software Development (lies, I can't survive not exploring). Why? I want more than food. I want to have terrific experiences, solve problems (more lies 🙄 ), lead a better life and most importantly, the bills 🤑 ( now you are talking).
So, when I tweet at you or send you messages (of course within reason), please answer. I am learning to know and building to be better.
Maybe I'll get to write more posts, until then,